Sex, Love, Marriage

Table of Contents

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Open marriages

Howell's questions - open marriages

• Is there a [real, significant] increase in "open marriage" over the last 5 decades?
• If there will be a very long-term trend (century to millenia) of [high, low]er incidence of "open marriage", is this just a [small, oscillating] point on the path between "monogamy" and "insect colony" society with [sex, reproduction] only by "royalty" (a queen, drones) in a nest, none by essentially all of the nest other than the royalty? Or perhaps on the long term it will be THE societal arrangement?
• Does this resemble the "cuckoo bird" and other natural examples where biological parents dupe other parents to bear the cost of their offspring?
• Why would anyone care about [rise, lower]ing "open marriage"? Is the main value to fulfill the "need to be outraged at [some, any]thing? Secondary value as a legal [challenge, sourcce of new business]?
• Apart from issues listed in the wikipedia article, what [promote, suppress]s "open marriage"?
  • both sexes :
    • insuffient viable partners in opposite sex, eg :
      • LGBTQ
      • male [disinterest, avoidance of modern legal risks] - Has marital law hugely influenced this, given the long-term legal [risk, constraint]s, often life ruining? This has definitely been THE factor for myself. (Note: It is rare that I have any personal experience related to [social, psychological] issues. I often think that intellects are lost morons, this may help clarify if that is so.)
    • other questions...
  • female:
    • ??? I need other female-specific issues that [promote, suppress] "open marriage" ???
    • sex-impacting hormones in environment much strong effect of depressing male sexual interest (eg estrogen promotors >> steroid promotors - has policy delibeerated promoted this situation (eg societal pacification?))
  • male:
    • male [disinterest, avoidance of modern legal risks] - Has marital law hugely influenced this, given the long-term legal [risk, constraint]s, often life ruining? This has definitely been THE factor for myself. (Note: It is rare that I have any personal experience related to [social, psychological] issues. I often think that intellects are lost morons, maybe as bad as I am. This may help clarify that feeling I've sometimes had...)
    • Why do males even marry in modern society?
  • society:
• Is the constant [hand-wring, cry, doom-say]ing about the plummeting birthrate/1k women garbage (eg < 1.5-1.7 in Europe and N.America), given very easy available solutions?
  • not just immigration, economic bribes, but far better approaches, most of which I know of have deep historical roots, eg :
    • ?Goths in England long ago kill all males, breed, enslave women (mitochondrial DNA based evidence)
    • harems? which way did this work - was it an obligation?
  • technology offers additional tools [test-tube, clone, placenta, milk, professional [mother, father]s, etc]
  • Is this typical of many, if not most, social, political] issues, where people "have to talk", "know they are right", and "have to impose their beliefs on others"? Those who feel obliged to "save the world" must [create a cause, manoeuvre to leadership, suppress others]. [Academic, journalist]s are prime examples.
• Supporting movements: socialism "new man" concept envisaged replacing "normal humans" over time. Others have thought of this (not just sci-fi writers).

Online Dating

online dating statistics

• In 2023 384 million people worldwide are expected to use online dating.
• Online dating is most popular in the US, with 21.9% of the population using it.
• The dating app market brought in a massive $5.61 billion in revenue in 2021.
• Two in every five couples met online.
• Nearly 3 in 20 people (14.7%) have had a relationship that’s lasted longer than a year after online dating.
• 54% of Americans say meeting online makes no difference to whether the relationship works out or not.
• 80% of Tinder users claim to be looking for a meaningful relationship.
• 36% of men say that they’re using online dating for sex, compared to just 14% of women.
• 61% of online daters want to meet people with shared interests.
• 7% of people who have ever used dating apps or websites have used them to cheat on a significant other.
• Tinder is the dating app that has the most global users.

• It found that those who met online were more likely to break up than people who had met in real life.
• After controlling other variables, it noted 32% of online unmarried couples split up during the course of the survey. That’s compared to only 23% of offline unmarried couples who broke up.
• The study’s author Aditi Paul put forward her own theory for why:
  • “This could be because people think, ‘You know what, I met somebody online, so I understand that there are other people available once I break up with this person.'”
  • “Think about women going dress shopping. We always think that the better dress is in the next shop. Now we’re shopping for relationships; we’re looking for the better deal.”

• More men than women use online dating
  • There are more active guys using online dating than women.
  • That’s pretty much the case for whichever site or app you use.
  • Bumble has one of the more even splits (43% women and 57% men).
  • Tinder has one of the worst. According to a 2021 survey, its users are almost 80% male. So there are four men for every woman.
• That means it’s a lot more competitive for guys. And it also means... ...Women are more selective
• If the ratio is so skewed, it stands to reason women can be a lot more choosy when they’re getting more attention.
• One research study created a fake male and female profile. They found the match rate for the fake woman was 10.5% compared to only 0.6% for the fake guy. Ouch.
• This so-called paradox of choice created in online dating can compel us all to carry on swiping rather than make a decision.

• Quantity, not quality matches
• The higher ratio of men online dating doesn’t actually help women in the way you might at first assume. Instead, it creates what researchers call a so-called “feedback loop” that goes like this:
  • Men serially swipe on anyone just to get more matches, but women are far more discerning.
  • But what it means is that women are more invested in their matches.
  • Meanwhile, men send out lots of messages but aren’t prepared to put the work in because they’re playing a numbers game.
• Harassment -Women face far more harassment than men do online dating. For example, Pew Research Center found:
  • 60% of female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested
  • 57% of women report being sent a sexually explicit message or image they didn’t ask for.

• According to one survey, a total of 53% of US participants admitted to having lied in their online dating profile.
• Research says one-third of all people who use online dating sites have never actually gone on a date with someone they met online.
• A study showed that reviewing multiple dating candidates online causes people to be more judgmental about them.

• A total of 53% of US participants admitted to having lied in their online dating profile.
• Women apparently lied more than men, with the most common dishonesties being about looks.
• Over 20% of women posted photos of their younger selves.
• But men were only marginally better. Their most common lies were about their financial situation, specifically about having a better job (financially) than they actually do. More than 40% of men indicated that they did this, but the tactic was also employed by nearly a third of women.

online dating - Howell's questions

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